A hardcore Evangelical Christian Church in Texas has "anointed" Ted Cruz as King. You read that right. He's officially King Ted now.
King Ted has been given a mission. His mission is to bring about "The End Time Transfer of Wealth", i.e., to wage war on all us people who don't belong to that church, steal our money and bring "the spoils of war to the priests" of that church.
Here's video of King Ted's Daddy laying out the plan before the congregation:
And another video where he goes on about how King Ted is going to "take Dominion" over all of us:
And here's the actual anointing of King Ted as Lord and Master over us heathens:
Really. Read it for yourself.
Honestly, Cruz. SNL gave up satirizing you over Green Eggs & Ham, and here you go pulling this one on them. Will someone think of the poor comedians?
(I'm laughing to keep from throwing up.)